This Line, No Waiting

If you’re one of my four or five regular readers, you already know that I’m currently dealing with a wee bit of crap in my life.  As a result, I am doing whatever I can to emotionally stay afloat and maintain a positive spin on things: writing, working, enjoying Spring in New Hampshire, challenging the number of pomegranate martinis I can safely consume while still being able crawl up the stairs to bed… basically, anything that will keep me feeling happy and grateful for what I have in my life. Other than the wee bit of crap, of course.

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Popularity: 32%

A Story I Can’t Tell. And One I Can.

I have a great story to tell.  It’s full of the stuff that makes for a great story: good guys and bad guys, love and hate, good and evil. And a happy ending. I want to tell this story… I ache to tell it. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this story because I am not allowed to.

But here’s the coolest part of that story: it’s not the real story. And the real story is one I can tell.

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Popularity: 62%

Perfectly Imperfect, Thanks Anyway

Permit me a brief rant.

If your Facebook wall looks anything like mine, it’s well stocked with motivational mini-posters placed there by dozens of friends wanting to share these inspirational quotes.  I truly love these folks for passing along this well-intended karma because, most of the time, ingesting this positivity at the end of a totally-sucks-donkey-balls day soothes me more than a chilled vodka martini. And that’s a lot.

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Popularity: 40%

A Full Beach Pail for My Birthday

Fifty-two weeks ago, I began a challenge: try something new every week for an entire year.  The goal was to marinate myself in new experiences and remind myself that I’m not too old to try new things.  I wanted to add interest, invite possibilities and take baby steps outside my element to stretch myself on small levels. It started out as a challenge for my upcoming fiftieth birthday (today!), but it turned into something so much more.

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Popularity: 41%

Selling the Canoe

Dear Mr. President;

Last month, I was in my friend’s car when I looked out the window and saw one of those whacky billboards that display the real-time national deficit. Watching that foolish thing tick away at a rate of $34,000 per second is like watching an oncoming tornado: you’re fucked if you don’t run and find shelter, but you just can’t stop staring at the damned thing.

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Popularity: 45%

What’s Hair Got to Do With It?

Today, I am helping spread the word about pediatric cancer, on behalf of my friend Sheila Quirke and in honor of her daughter, Donna Quirke Hornick.  This post is one of dozens placed throughout the web today to raise awareness as well as funds to fight this cruel beast.

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Popularity: 48%

Calling Blogaholics Anonymous

ME: Hi… Blogaholics Anonymous Hotline?

BAH: Yes it is. How can I help with your problem?

ME: Well, I don’t actually think it’s a problem. Really, I shouldn’t even be tying up the lines because someone who actually does have a problem could be trying to call you right now – so why don’t I just hang up and -

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Popularity: 38%

Let Me NOT Say This…

If you read my last post regarding the battle I’m having with my completely made up sad affliction, you already know that every one of my thoughts travels directly from my brain straight to my tongue and out of my mouth, completely unchecked. Over the years, this has resulted in more wisecracks, sarcastic remarks, smite comments and assorted unkindnesses than there are funeral homes in Boca. But I am getting better at checking myself, and the frequency with which I lose friends and invitations back to parties, homes and bars is substantially less.

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Popularity: 48%

Every. Stinking. Thing.

A few years back, I made a bold discovery in the world of anatomy when I came across a previously unknown organ in the human body, located directly between the brain and the mouth, called the Siphorudis Valve. This organ’s function is to siphon all thoughts leaving the brain and filter out those which are inappropriate before they enter the mouth and (resultingly) exit through the lips. As you may already know, the word siphorudis is derived from the Latin sipho, which means “watch what you’re saying” and the Greek rudis, which means “you stupid, mean bitch.” And of course the English valve, which… uh… means “valve.”

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Popularity: 54%

A Year of Hugs

Over the past year, I’ve read a number of articles about the numerous benefits of hugging.  Yes, hugging. Known to promote the release of endorphins (which gives us a sense of happiness and well-being), boost our immunity, reduce our stress levels and speed the healing process, hugs are very powerful things – and well worth the time it takes to do right… not to mention the right amount.

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Popularity: 68%