Your search for 01/2012 returned 2 results.

Let Me NOT Say This…

If you read my last post regarding the battle I'm having with my completely made up sad affliction, you already know that every one of my thoughts travels directly from my brain straight to my tongue and out of my mouth, completely unchecked. Over the years, this has resulted in more wisecracks, sarcastic remarks, smite comments and assorted unkindnesses than there are funeral homes in Boca. But I am getting better at checking myself, and the frequency with which I lose friends and invitations back to parties, homes and bars is substantially less.

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Every. Stinking. Thing.

A few years back, I made a bold discovery in the world of anatomy when I came across a previously unknown organ in the human body, located directly between the brain and the mouth, called the Siphorudis Valve. This organ's function is to siphon all thoughts leaving the brain and filter out those which are inappropriate before they enter the mouth and (resultingly) exit through the lips. As you may already know, the word siphorudis is derived from the Latin sipho, which means "watch what you're saying" and the Greek rudis, which means "you stupid, mean bitch." And of course the English valve, which... uh... means "valve."

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