I had such high hopes.
I’ve cried so much this week. For my dashed hopes. For my friends who feel vulnerable and horrifyingly exposed. For small children who don’t understand.
And mostly for myself, who still doesn’t understand.
People keep saying, lets see what happens.
But I can’t think about what will happen, because I can’t yet resolve what did happen.
I voted FOR someone.
I voted with my brain. And my heart.
And my vagina.
I worked hard to put aside the mistakes and subsequent cover-up lies put forth by BOTH of them. Her email issues. His being found guilty of nearly a dozen charges, ranging from unfair labor practice and racial housing discrimination to antitrust violations. Her role in Benghazi. His five bankruptcies and blatant refusal to hand over tax records.
It was hard to do, but I gave them both a hall pass for past discrepancies. I cleared it from the table, so I could look at who they were as people. As candidates. As potential Presidents.
I reasoned that when you want to change how the game is played, you need someone who knows the rules.
I reasoned that when something needs fixing, you hire an expert.
I reasoned that if you want to rework treaties and strengthen ties, you need someone who deeply respects the delicate threads that bind our world together.
I reasoned that a true world leader requires an impressive combination of a firm hand and a humble heart.
I reasoned that the next person in charge needs to understand there’s a fundamental difference between the art of diplomacy and the art of a deal.
I reasoned that no one can serve two masters. Theyre either in it for US, or THEM. And I wanted someone who was in it for US.
I reasoned that working collectively and cooperatively is the only way anything will get done. Or fixed.
Based on all of this, I voted.
I voted for someone who had committed her entire adult life to caring for children and families and those most in need.
I voted for someone who had collected more applicable experience for the position than nearly any other individual ever before considered in the history of this country.
I voted for someone who was not going to force my government to tell me what I could and could not do with my own girlparts.
I voted for someone who gets that you cannot possibly be pro life if you think people should be nuked or fried on the electric chair or gunned down en masse by weapons that have no business being on the open market.
I voted for someone who believes that the system is not rigged, but that changes are clearly necessary to make it better. And they are possible.
I voted for someone who knows that America is already great.
I voted for someone who agrees that love transcends race, color, creed, gender and sexual orientation.
I voted for someone who assesses reality with fact and not fiction.
I voted for someone who understands and embraces our Constitution.
I voted for someone who has the passion and perseverence to do what is needed, to make things right.
I voted for someone who genuinely believes, as I do, that we need to take better care of each other.
I voted WITH my vagina, for someone who HAS a vagina.
Because it’s about fucking time that an amazingly qualified woman ran this country.
Unfortunately, that person was denied the job because some people feel that women who lie and make mistakes are far more ghastly creatures than men who do far worse. Others feel that she didn’t look the part. Perhaps a even few just don’t like pantsuits.
Mostly, though, she lost the job because the majority of voters feel that someone lacking any knowledge or experience of the system would be better at fixing it. Lost it all to an opponent who cares of no one but himself, and openly feasts on a diet of narcissism, ignorance and lies, and then shits out a vile sea of hate, racism, sexism, bigotry and white supremacy.
The stink of it all has been too hard to bear.
So for the past few days, I’ve put on a mask and ignored it.
The TV’s been off, and I’ve avoided the phone and the news. Been listening to sad, stupid music, and have cried rivers. For all of us. Cried for those who lost AND those who think they won, but really didn’t (and won’t discover that until later, when taxes go up orthey get stopped and asked for their Identity Card because they ‘look different’).
I was so upset, I couldn’t watch her concession speech, knowing it might take me over the edge.
But not so dashed as I’d thought…
Because this morning, I finally got out of bed and watched her concession speech. There she stood, with grace and dignity and her head held high. As with everything else she’s done. Despite that sea of sewage. Despite him.
It made me cry harder. I was still so goddamned mad.
But I was also awed. And inspired.
And hopeful once again.
So I’m back to answering the phone. And signed back onto Facebook.
I can’t yet bear to turn on the TV, but I’ll get there in short time.
This ain’t over. There’s still goodness and kindness and grace in the world.
A million Donald Trumps (and their teeny little hands) can’t destroy that.
And in 2020, we’ll do it over. Hopefully without the vile sewage, please dear God. And hopefully with an amazing candidate like the one I voted for this week.
Me and my vagina will be there, ready to vote again.
Meanwhile, Bless you, Hillary Clinton.
And FUCK YOU, Susan Sarandon.
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